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China Is Sending Monkeys Into Space To Have Sex For Science

China’s highly-trained scientists are sending mice and macaques into space to observe how they reproduce under space conditions.

“Some studies involving mice and macaques will be carried out to see how they grow or even reproduce in space,” a researcher with the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Zhang Lu, said in a speech Monday. “These experiments will help improve our understanding of an organism’s adaptation to microgravity and other space environments.”

The article is from South China Morning PostThe study will be conducted aboard the Wentian Lab module on the Chinese Space Station Tiangong. The station currently has small test cabinets for snails and fish, but these will soon be reconfigured so that they can house monkeys.

Everybody who has a pulse wonders if it is possible to allow monkeys to sex in space. Is it possible for humans to have sex while in space? Is it an alien or earthling to have sex with a space baby but also give birth on Earth? Would that very same baby be barred from entering the United States under Trump’s immigration laws?

It is fascinating to see the history of this place. In 1947, fruit flies became the first known living creature to be sent into space. Later, in the 40s/50s, the Soviets sent many animals into orbit, including dogs, mice, monkeys, and mice. I’ve seen some reports that mating may have occurred but the Soviets weren’t big on sharing notes so it’s hard to say.

According to a Beijing college professor, the SCMP is concerned about the space monkeys. Although their size makes it more difficult, studying large animals can help us understand if we are able to create colonies on other worlds.

“The astronauts will need to feed them and deal with the waste,” Professor Kehkooi Kee of Tsinghua University told the SCMP. “These experiments will be necessary.”

NASA is clear that no human has ever had sexual relations in space. Although space sex is still a hotly debated topic, no reports have been made of it. The secret marriage of an American astronaut couple led to them joining forces in space travel. But the official story states that astronauts are too busy being astronautshit to worry about their own affairs. I call shenanigans on that but I’ve also never been to space. 

Our nation’s top scientists say the physics of space sex would be quite difficult as you’d need a third person, or a lot of velcro, to properly hold you in place. The increased radiation in space, as well as the negative effects of zero gravity and blood circulation on sexual function are all equally problematic. 

According to a 2014 study: “Relative to other organ systems, the gonads are highly sensitive to radiation exposure. In men and women, temporary infertility is associated with high-dose, acute radiation exposure.”

Scientists have suggested that low gravity might affect blood circulation, making it more difficult for men produce and maintain erection. It has been difficult so far for astronauts to do experiments in this field due to all of this and the privacy that is not available on spacecraft. 

We are now back at the Chinese launch monkeys into outer space. It may prove to be crucial that humans are able to maintain colonies on other planets or in space if the monkeys reproduce successfully.