While we namby pamby Americans are happy to pay $80 an hr to our psychiatrists and eat mushrooms for our troubles, Russians take a different approach. They offer live burial.

A company in St. Petersburg Russia called Prekated Academy offers the chance to fake your own death, stage a funeral for yourself, and begin life anew—all you have to do is pay one low price of 3,545,000 Russian Rubles, or $57,455 USD.

This was loosely translated from an Instagram posting:

“If:

• You have become a hopeless, continuous fuck-up all your life
• You can’t get out of the financial hole
• It is not possible to take on a business, team or life partner.
• Positive prospects are not in your future

Do not be horrified at the thought of death, but see in it a chance for deliverance – make a knight move, bury yourself!”

I attempted to reach out to this company. However, due to basic limitations in trying to connect with people in different countries I wasn’t able to. This does seem to be an actual service you can afford. I can’t say whether anyone has used this service without being ripped off as those individuals would most likely be dead. It is funny, I have to say that it seems absurd to offer a $57k service for people who are in financial trouble.

“I will give you the opportunity to say goodbye to a low standard of living, irrevocably burn bridges to the dreary past, rethink life and come to personal success without mistakes,” the post said. “You will not only revive faith in yourself and in a happy future, but also regain a great mission, potential and love for life in all its diversity.”

The majority of the rest of the company’s other Instagram posts that I translated all appeared to be dedicated to business marketing strategies or secondhand success stories about people who had utilized the fake-your-own-death service and gone on to make lots of money. 

However, there was a key post that immediately followed the post that offered live burial services. This post reassured those skeptical about the safety of the deceased when they pay such a high price.

“We do not intend to expose our clients to undue risk,” the post said. “Scientists have calculated that the buried person will have enough air in the coffin for about 5.5 hours. So, even if your life is totally fucked up, it won’t take you more than 60 minutes to resurrect.”

Being the meticulous journalist that I am, it took me around five hours to figure out how much time one could survive, according to the website. It all depends on how large the coffin was. The next obvious question the post decided to answer was what the company’s protocol would be should a client wish to stay in the coffin.

“Euthanasia is illegal in our country, so we will rescue you whether you choose to stay fucked or reborn,” the post said. “However, one country has now introduced a quota for euthanasia and actively promotes this service, even as a measure for depression. Google it at your leisure.”

The service appears to be available worldwide, but you need to travel to St. Petersburg for all the details.